I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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