he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
