new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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