Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
