I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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