I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
