im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
