i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
