I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
