So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
