Define "chronic" masturbator.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
