I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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