Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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