My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
You're earring is so big in my mouth
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
So. Much. Porn.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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