I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
