Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Alive.
So much puke
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
