Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Randomize
