I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
