When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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