i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
