I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
