so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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