is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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