Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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