I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
