Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
