he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
