I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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