ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
