Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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