He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
