i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
