dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
