Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
