My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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