were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
