Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
