he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
