remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
