Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
