a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
