I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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