Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
