some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
