Just cropdusted the office
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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