Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
