Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
