that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
