I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
