she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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