What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
