Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
