all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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